The Great Caller

Written on Tuesday 25^th May 2010

Nine years and two weeks to the day and only this morning do I discover a wonderful phenomenon! A day that – all around the universe, wherever they go – people with a passion for humour celebrate by carrying a towel. To work, to the shops, on the bus, into school, out on treasure hunts – they carry around this sign of nomadic freedom and preparedness for unpredictability. There are parties and treasure hunts, and the only requirement and dress code is that you bring your trusty towel!

Why?

International Towel Day! The day that, one fortnight from the anniversary of his death, fans of Douglas Adams, the author and dignified wealth of outlandish wit, celebrate his life and works by acting upon this; one of his greatest slices of advice and wisdom!

“A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-bogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitch hiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have “lost”. What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with.”

-          Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Sadly Douglas Adams passed away on 11^th May 2001, making the universe one surreal twist less bearable, but in the spirit of Adams’ greatest work his fans decided to take action to make sure that people would stop taking themselves far too seriously! If only for one day…

While I did don my towel to work upon my shoulder this morning, I have had to stash it in a safe place as the weather in the UK today is uncharacteristically warm. But have faith that I shall return to it in exactly a year’s time, and I will ensure with a vengeance that as many others as I know will observe the same wonderful tradition, lest we forget the brilliance of the man that gave us the Babelfish, the Improbability Drive and the Worst Poetry in the Universe.

One thing I am very disappointed to have to say though is that, while this is a world-wide phenomenon, we don’t do anything near enough to celebrate it here in the UK – the very birthplace and home of this wonderful author! I’ve only discovered it this year, 9 years down the line, and I’ve had a huge appreciation of Adams for several years now. In contrast almost every other country that has access to English literature celebrates this day in a big way: Australia has pub lunches and towel competitions; the Czech Republic have Vogon poetry recitals; Canada and the USA have themed greetings cards and conventions across the continent; even The Military Republic of the Deltan Imperium, a newly formed micronation, has recognized Towel Day as an official holiday! ^{(details from www.towelday.org)}

Here on the other hand, I haven’t seen so much as a single person (other than myself and my housemate) carrying even a flannel, never mind a towel!

So next year, for the 10^th anniversary of International Towel Day, let’s make as big a deal of it as it deserves. Add http://www.towelday.org/ to your favourites and mark the date in your diary. Bring out the towels in force! This is a date that has to be commemorated!

There has been a lot of Twitter and in the news about people changing allegiances – defecting from being ‘life-long Lib-Dem supporters’ to join the “Next Labour”. Personally though I’m struggling to see the rationale behind this behaviour – is doing so intended to make some profound political statement about the state of British politics and how the old system is so broken? We have a government now that, while it may be a little of a swing in the ‘wrong’ direction, has accepted that it needs to make concessions and allow leniencies in places – though how long such an attitude will last remains to be seen. The way I see it this was the only option realistically available, and I actually feel quite offended that people would betray a lifelong dedication just because the people they have so closely, by their own profession, supported their entire lives have managed to display the ability to work as part of a team, despite differences in belief. Usually when an employer takes one someone new for a job this is the sort of behaviour that is favoured and encouraged! It leads to dynamics – a creativeness within a team that will result in ideas more exciting than the one-dimensional conceptualisation of a gang of people of the same opinion will bear. These people, our MPs, are our employees – we hired them when we made the decision of where to make our mark on our ballot papers, and their pay cheques come from our taxes.

I’d like to state that I find that the ‘this government got more than 50% of the popular vote’ argument does not stand up as valid. While I would like it to, and I am in favour of some sort of proportional representation system, the system by which our current leadership was chosen is based on the provision of seats on a constituency by constituency basis. The allocation of those seats doesn’t allow a straight majority government of any kind; it doesn’t allow a Labour & Liberal Democrat coalition government, as combined they would still be below the necessary 326 seats to form a stable government; a ‘rainbow coalition’ would simply lead to in-fighting, be too unstable and collapse within months regardless; the Labour and Conservative Parties would never join forces due to being the old ‘opposition’ parties, and they would clash on too many points anyway – I personally don’t see that the Liberal Democrats had any other choice but to come to some sort of deal with the Conservatives. To do otherwise would have been ultimately irresponsible – to have tried to have pushed on for 6 months with no majority rule while another election was organised with the economy in such a fragile state? That strikes me as an idea fuelled by smarts!

The Labour website currently carries a banner at the top of its front page boasting a long range of quotes from those who’ve recently joined the party. Since this feature will inevitably be removed within a matter of months of my writing this, I have compiled a list of just some of these reasons (spelling errors et all) here!

In the interest of fairness, here are links to the other two lead parties, so you can join: BNP; Green

So many people say that they were offended that the Liberal Democrats joined forces with the Conservative party, that they feel let down and that this is the last straw. I really think these people are having the wrong reaction to this – yes it is a disappointment that the Liberal Democrats had to make the coalition they did, I’m with you there. Under such conditions I would’ve preferred a Labour & Liberal Democrat coalition to result. However, as I pointed out above, they weren’t presented with much choice in the matter. At least this way they are able to have some direct control upon the policies and politics of Westminster – an absolute first for the party who’ve always previously sat well behind in 3rd place on seats (and still do – though if you were to take the ‘this government has more than 50% of the vote’ stance, they should be MUCH closer on seat-count to the other two parties than they currently are. However that’s irrelevant, right? I’ve already argued that) and exerted no actual control over the country. They may not have come to full power, but they’ve managed to warp many of the Conservative’s policies, and have had a profound softening effect on many of their more hard-line ideas. They’ve even managed to slip one or two of their own policies in full into the mix, in their original form! That isn’t selling out, that’s making the most of a disadvantageous situation. They have some power now and that should be something any Liberal Democrat voter can be proud of. Before in a general election voting Lib Dem in your area was a tactical vote that you never expected to come to any fruition nationally – it was meant to prevent a Conservative majority so that Labour could take power – now that vote has actually gone somewhere. It didn’t stop Conservative getting power, but it did stop them getting FULL power, bringing a never-before considered party in on the act to iron out the old too-and-fro of a two-party system.

As for those who say that this is the ruin and end-all of the UK. How do you know? It’s under a fortnight since the election, and even less time since a stable government was formed – they’ve barely done anything yet, and what they have done hasn’t had any time to take effect.

I understand your solution though – give up, sell out, join the amnesty. Go to the party you were really voting for all along, because you never really believed that the Liberal Democrats could get in, and now that they have, you’re horrified! You may’ve put your cross by the yellow, but you were really voting red!

But if you really believe that this is it for us all, then make a stand and leave, emigrate. That’ll really aggravate the right-wingers! Be what they hate! Because then some foreigner will have to come and fill the hole in the job market that you left; possibly from below, while someone else moves up; perhaps from above if someone side-steps. It is a volatile market after all! Then all those left voting in this country will just be the blue-and-yellow fascists, and you can watch this awful little hunk of green land off the shoulder of Europe sink under its own bigotry and insincerity, while you wallow in luxury upon your little communist paradise that you’ve carved out for yourself (err, hold on!?) out in the Baltic.

No, really, I find myself needing to be utterly impartial: Plaid Cymru

Sorry this is late – it was meant to be posted on Friday, but it got lost in the post!

One opinionist, on this Guardian Opinion Article, uttered:

Good article.

You’ll be told, however, by the reactionaries that invariably flock to this site that sexism, racism, classism etc are no longer an issue, that these things simply sort themselves out. You’ll be further told that if you raise these issues, point out the glaring misrepresentation, that you are in fact at fault for all this, because ‘identity politics’ is worse than Nazism or genocide.

If then, for example, a black man or woman ends up in a position in the public eye, the same idiots will say s/he’s only there, because of identity politics.

So the upshot? Don’t talk about discrimination, pretend it’s not there, and if the white, male, middle class equilibrium is upset, then those upsetting it will be treated with an extra amount of venom – far more than any white, male, middle class counterpart.

I suppose in that sense, this is a change in politics, this is new: The 1950s are after all over half a decade ago.

This is awful, in brief, because:

1. Godwin’s Law.
2. It’s only an issue if you make it into one – bringing up Identity Politics is a sure-fire way of doing this.
3. The upshot? You’re right – don’t (see 2). Simply take people on their merits of personality and intelligence. The second you start making concessions based upon someone’s appearance or social background you’re discriminating, just as badly as if you put them down for them.
4. What?

There’s a lot to say here, but I’ll begin with the blaringly obvious. Godwin’s Law applies here – and barely 20 posts into a thread! Surely he can’t, in all seriousness, contend that by being of the personal opinion that it’s unrealistic to expect the wholesale political representation of this country’s diverse and varied population to be doled out by cultural identity, makes one worse than being a practicing Nazi?

Regardless, I will certainly concede that, predominantly, those who are interested in, are able to financially support themselves into and are equipped to perform well in a career in politics tend to emerge from a narrow demographic of the population – the very white, male, public school types he speaks of: this BBC article defines quite accurately what it is about their upbringing and mindset that imparts them these traits.

It seems to me that many of those groups our above opinionist speaks of as being unfairly politically unrepresented are so because they don’t have anyone available to represent them. Clearly there was a distinct lacking of ‘other’ (non-white, non-middle-class women etc.) candidates available for this election, across both the country and all of the parties: that has been made evident enough from various quarters – but why is this the case? I don’t think it has anything to do with a particular prejudice within the system, or with party policy. Invoking more minority and under-represented group candidates to electable party positions simply in the name of ‘equality’ isn’t going to solve the problem – it may well produce a more socially balanced cabinet, but not necessarily a more adept one – plus, it is inverse prejudice. Just because someone is of a certain colour skin, sexual preference or gender it doesn’t mean that they hold the same values and opinions of anyone else of the same social pigeon hole.

I do, however, think that this phenomenon of self-perceived altruistic interest in social equality is something that has become emphasized in peoples’ psyche by the recent election a certain American politician to high office. So the Americans have a Black President. OK! Why should that mean that we should instantly elect an Indian (as an example as a similarly large and established proportion of our population) to Prime Minister? Obama got elected on the quality of his policies, charisma and the ‘change’ (talk about an over-used political buzz-word) status of his party as much as anything else.

Many journalists and political commentators made comments on the ‘Americanness’ of our 2010 election – the Ministerial Debates, the travelling party leaders and baby-forehead kissing (did this actually happen, or was this Americanness so over-hyped that I simply thought it had?). These are all things that stood as factors within our recent election. There were many people who said they were confident about voting for the Conservatives because they liked Cameron – ‘The Man’. They felt he was good for the country as a statesman and they liked his ‘family values’ rhetoric. And I’m sure a lot of convert-to Lib Dem voters felt the same about Clegg’s public demeanour. In America there was a lot of fuss (or so it was reported) over each candidate’s eligibility as Commander-in-Chief, and I’m sure a lot of Black service-men and -women and their families in America voted for McCain because they felt that they and their family members in war zones would be better cared for while on tour. I bet the same theoretical model would apply equally to women and their support for Palin. Image has a lot, and likewise nothing, to do with how people vote. It’s a personal preference – it doesn’t mean everyone of that demographic will necessarily vote the same.

Where I believe the source of this ‘diversity lacking’ in politics comes from not the middle class white man, whom everyone seems so keen to lambast. I’m going to go out on a limb here and blame the communities themselves who stand unrepresented.

Perhaps they don’t have anyone they feel able to represent them due to clashing of social norms. I certainly don’t assume poverty, social repression, mal-education or any other such negative variable here – though such elements would, in theory, certainly pose a hindrance – what I mean to imply is a difference in cultural convention that causes focus on different aspects of the self and community than would lead them into political roles in British culture – they are leaders within their own communities, but due to cultural differences, in a predominantly western, ex-Christian-atheistic, white society, such leaders won’t display the amiable leadership qualities that such an electorate (outside of their own communities) will warm to.

But what I see is that there aren’t the available members of such communities coming forward for election in the first place. If they were there, presenting themselves, but being ignored by the larger parties in some places and going unelected in others, then perhaps one could blame a broken and prejudiced system. If this is the case – if you are someone or know someone who has been turned down for a position as a political representative for any reason other than their actual ability to perform as a politician then you should speak out! There certainly seem to be the forums available for you to do so – at the moment, though, these soap-boxes seem to be occupied by the very same demographic who hold the positions: white, middle-class, public-school alumni.

So what if someone from a traditional working class background – whose parents were restaurant owners; a taxi driver and tailor; a sous-chef and a builder; or any other combination by trade – ultimately won a seat? What I can see happening would be that those same journalists, who currently complain about imbalance, would instead complain of some other fault – “well s/he is now a career politician and has gained fluid financial backing: they have money now! That has changed who they identify as: they are unable to fairly represent those they claim to – their parents: the working masses” (or ethnic minorities, homosexuals or woman).

Perfect socio-political balance is an utterly unrealistic ideal to uphold – the reason for there not being many women, black, Aisian, Eastern European, gay, etc. representatives in government is that there just aren’t the people coming forward to represent them. Why? Perhaps it’s simple – perhaps they’re happy enough with who is currently representing them! This is a democratic country after all, so if they weren’t, there would be nothing stopping them campaigning and standing for parliament themselves.

If you’re really still so cut up about it, go and stand as a minority representative. Though I’d wager based on likely demographics (there’s that prefix – ‘demo’ – again) statistics alone that you, reading this, aren’t of a social minority at all. If you are reading this, you’re probably just as white and middle class as I am. I’ve realised I can’t make this change – that’s up to the communities who are unfairly unrepresented – perhaps someone should go and force them to represent themselves, and if they won’t we’ll criminalize them. This is a democracy after all, and the everyman MUST be represented in all the diversity of his forms.

Whoa! Stop press! Perhaps I’m onto a winner here! There are a LOT of people in this country, and we are all slightly different – I propose we ALL sit on the House of Commons, it is after all the only way to ensure fair social representation for all!

I’ve been following the election progress since well before the first constituency result came in late on Thursday 6th May, and while the outcome isn’t what I had hoped for (what I had hoped for was utterly unrealistic, but I had to remain the optimist as long as I could) I am ultimately pleased with it. After a week of reflection and having had the chance to see how the political landscape has formed around the ground it has been given by the electorate, I have to say that I am reasonably impressed with the Conservative-led government we’ve ended up with, certainly more so than I ever thought I would have been.

My information source of choice throughout has been the BBC website – most specifically the live election news feed (the video stream doesn’t work on my work computer, which is probably for the best since I would then get nothing productive done, but the text updates have been informative and generally well-balanced). On this useful medium the BBC journalists would also post a choice selection of comments from their ‘Have Your Say’ pages. Needless to say, some of the poor rationale and hypocritical attitudes displayed within these comments drove me to frustration – I wanted to rage and rant and generally throw many gloopy foodstuffs in their general direction (as a boy I was a fan of any TV show with ‘gunge’ involved). However, I didn’t say anything in rebuttal as: (a) attempting to reason with people like that tends to result in the combatants spinning defensive circles against each other; (b) I was at work and had other (personal income based) things to concentrate on.

Unfortunately I’m now unable to access the live feed, so these minor points of contention are now lost in the nether (perhaps not unfortunately – I’m not THAT keen to read them again). However, as one can expect from any medium with open authorship, there is still plenty of poorly formed opinion across the internet to draw upon in the desire to fuel my rage. And since the election, the onslaught of topical content has been almost unavoidable.

So we have a centre-right leadership, and I’m OK with that! That been said, I still consider myself to generally be centre-left in my political preference and follow the Guardian’s ‘Comment is Free’ feed on Twitter for any interesting Current Events commentary – and, oh! Given the current state of affairs (watch your bed-manners Samantha and Miriam – I hear you have freshly institutionalised competition!) this has lead to some interesting points of contention amongst the journalists and posters. And how rich such debates have proven to be!

(More to follow…)

Welcome toTheGreatCaller.com.
Blog, reactionarium, time-line and general musings of Mahgniklaf.

Based in the South-West of the UK where I am an English Literature Bachelors Student en-hiatus, I have an interest in Music, Literature, Politics, Anthropology, Rum, throwing myself down hills on two wheels (mountain biking) and whatever other ‘flavour of the week’ takes my fancy. Sounding pretentious in our written language is a seriously-lead speciality of mine, and I like to think I have an opinion that will always be well balanced and researched – regardless of what you think!

But in truth, this is the lay-blog of a layperson on a power trip! Ah, the common blog – trying to make sense of the world through trivialisation. Power to the layman, and all he doesn’t know!

I will be updating with a solid article on a weekly basis, Thursdays for the time being. But do(n’t) expect supplementary posts in the case of something vaguely interesting happening in my world!

For yet even less-engaging updates I’m also on Twitter.